Monday, November 5, 2012

The Quietness

Are you ready for this....this is a lot of personal and a lot of real. It's not easy for me to get this personal and this real. I was afraid to post this—to share something so personal. This post was sitting open on my desktop for days. I couldn't get myself to push that bright orange publish button.

Mid October it got pretty quiet here on the blog. We went from a family of three to a family of five in about eight hours. We had our first foster care placement. We got a call about newborn twins and said, "yes." When my husband relayed the message, "newborn twins" my first thought was an apprehensive, "Really? Twins!?" Most women get 9 months to prepare themselves to care for twins, but I had eight hours. I was excited, but scared. I definitely felt inadaquate, "God, I can't believe you are entrusting me with not one, but two precious little babies." It felt too good to be true, and turns out it was. How is this going to work...going from a family of three to a family of five? But with His help I succeeded, we succeeded, and it was actually a piece of cake—they were the best babies. And Lucas....Lucas was such a trooper. He stepped right into that big brother role. I was worried about him. We hadn't really prepared him, but how do you prepare a three-year-old for your first foster care placement? My other mom friends have growing bellies and 9 months to get their firstborn used to the idea of a sibling. And we wouldn't have been able to say yes without the awesome support system we have. Our family and friends were and are 100% behind us in this decision to take a path less traveled—foster care and adoption.

Sadly, our first placement only lasted eleven days, much MUCH shorter than anticipated. Six days in we got unsettling news that due to a judge's ruling and thrown out appeals, the babies must be moved to another foster family in another city to be closer to the parents (and now much further from their siblings). It was heartbreaking. We know the ultimate goal in foster care is to reunite parents and children, but we know it doesn't always work that way. When we said yes to those babies, we were saying yes to the possibility that they could be a part of our family forever. I know eleven days might sound like nothing, but those sweet babies stole our hearts. I dropped everything, I left my comfortable life as a work at home/stay at home mommy of an awesome, low maintenance three-year-old and willingly took on newborns again. Babies that were not mine and might not ever be mine. I suddenly found myself back in that routine of late night/early morning feedings and speed showers. Back to diapers....diapers x 2. Wondered how I would ever be able to go grocery shopping again. I tried to soak up every minute of it. Little sleepy baby snuggles are the best. It was such a joy having babies in the house again. We loved them and cared for them the best we could and welcomed them into our little family. It was so hard to see them leave.

I'm still picking up the pieces. I know it all happened for a reason, but the feeling of loss is overwhelming. I know it has stretched us and we have grown and it has brought us closer together. Our own little boy is so amazing and resilient and he has grown too. I remember sitting on the couch with a baby in my arms, the other sleeping a couple feet away in a bouncer, and looking at Lucas playing on the floor. Who was that big boy? He looked so much older all of the sudden.

We did exactly what we were called to do. We gave those babies a safe and loving home. And oh how we loved them! I got to be foster momma to newborn twins for eleven days. And it was amazing. And they are amazing.

And now we're back on the list. We are waiting and praying for that next phone call.

1 comment:

sophie said...

there can be no word from me to help you today. just my arms virtually around your shoulders. and the trust that God is still here , with you, just as He was when you got the babies on the first day.
much Love from too faraway France.